I wasn’t really sure what I wanted my first blog post to be about. Grief? I lost my mom 3 months ago, so yes. Divorce? I’m currently in the process of one, yes, that would work too. Breaking up with your best friend? Yep, that happened too. I choose Grief.
You can grieve lots of things. It doesn’t have to be just the death of a loved one. It could be the end of a marriage, the loss of a home, the loss of a friend. It just so happens I am experiencing all of these things at once. Within a 3 month period. Who does that?
I’m probably certifiable.
But if there is one thing (ok there is definitely more than one) that I learned from my mom, it is to have faith. And a sense of humor.
Grief. I miss my mom. Nobody will ever understand those words unless you have lost your mom. I feel like my pain is so much worse because I had the best mom in the world. Just ask my brother and my sisters. They will agree. My children and nieces and nephews had the best grandmother in the world. Mam. Just ask them, they will tell you. How do we go on without her? That person who was so proud of her family. The matriarch. It’s not easy.
When she first passed, I was able to put the “bad” images of her last couple of months in this secret hidden part of my mind. I physically could not let myself see them. It just hurt too much. I focused on the good times we had. But slowly, those images are starting to creep out. I try to push them away, but they need to be acknowledged. It’s all part of the process. I know this. But it is SO HARD. It HURTS SO MUCH. And when the pain comes, and the tears start flowing yet again, all I can think is…
I want my mom.